what happened to me today?

i like looking at my friends' blogs. i always forget they're there and then when i remember to look, there's 3 or 4 postings and it's like getting a little present. i am glad that not many of my friends have blogs, at least that i know of and look at, or else even more of my day would be spent staring at the screen.

the two i look at the most, if you must know, are:
suzy's blog
and gus' blog

the weird part is that i have the same feeling about my own blog (which sounds strange to say: 'my own blog'. i am still coming to grips with my blogging-ness).

so... the weird part is i want to check my own blog and see what happened to me. then i get bummed when i remember that i have to write it first. i won't go to my own blog and discover something new. unless i get a fake blogging ghostwriter.

so, is that the ultimate in laziness? does it say something about me that i would come to my own blog and expect to read new stuff about myself? i swear i am not one of those people who sees themselves in the third person or anthing like that. i odn't know. i guess sometimes i feel like i am too busy out living my life to spend time chronicling it again on my blog. but since no one really knows it's here, it's more for myself anyway.

it's one of those things that feels unremarkable on a day-to-day basis. i am just hoping that i will learn some things when i look back on it. or maybe it's masturbatory and vain. whatevs.

long day. short life.

i worked downtown today. i was in a mood. i have to go to the dentist and i am feeling a bit stressed. all part of the long slow post-trip comedown. my mom wants to set me up on a date so i am avoiding her calls.
soon i'll be in greece with my parents. if i can avoid regressing into an angry teenager by the time we touch down in athens, it'll be a miracle. please wish me luck.

home again.

they say you can never go home again. well, here i am. but seriously... my parents are selling their house. it is the house i grew up in. it's also the house my father grew up in. my grandfather built it in 1938 in a field, and a neighborhood grew together around it. when my mom and dad were teenagers, my mom lived just around the corner. they didn't date in high school, because my mom was a cheerleader and my dad was a nerd. she actually dated my dad's older brother, who was an athlete. but when she grew up, she realized that nerds rule and jocks suck. the house has huge oak trees and a creek running behind it. i am sad to see it go. so much awesome stuff went down in that house. so many first times. also, its seen it's fair share of badness. dark things. teen angst. if those walls could talk, they'd probably say: "fuck, would it have killed you to turn down that jane's addiction in junior high? jeez. there are other ways to piss off your parents."
so now i have to go get all my childhood stuff out of the house, and really, i have no idea what i am going to find there. i've been living without it for so long, i must not need any of it. my blue velvet prom dress is the only thing i can think of. i can picture it hanging in the closet. i am really going to leave it behind, even though my first thought is "well i gotta take the prom dress..." but why? nothing magical happened. it was just a prom. it kinda sucked. i went with a friend who was married to someone else. all the kids at my school were scared of him because he had a huge "anarchy" tattoo on his hand. he was learning to be a tattoo artist.
i hope i can resist the temptation to bring home a ton of stuff that has vague memories attached and fill the void left by the things i've been getting rid of lately here at my house. it's like this will be the ultimate test, to let go for real.

hurry up and wait

waiting...
it's what we do.
i am waiting now. and we are always waiting. find the balance between now and later. like the delicious candy that that rips your teeth out. oh yeah, and someone totally tagged up gingergrass and the dentist's office on glendale blvd. fuckin' ghetto gloss. sorry, but it's true. when does that shit happen?.... in the immortal words of somebody.... i think it's you.

work at drunk.

well, the pendulum swings both ways. you want to hold the center, but sometimes you just average it out. overall i still feel pretty good. the glow is wearing off, but clickety clack, the crack is back.

constant vigilance

things creep up.

i'll be there for you

it's hot as fuck in this house and i am in a shitty mood. it was bound to happen. i've been all sweetness and light lately and thinking about it makes me want to puke. i sure hope i snap out of it soon. i liked being happy. i don't have as much experience with it as i'd like, but it seems pretty cool....
but back to being in a shitty mood. grrrrrrrr. i am frustrated and overwhelmed... and HOT. did i mention that? yeah, well i am, ok. hot hot hot.
and 'friends' is on tivo. that's making me want to puke too. (oh and it's in "suggestions", if you must know. i don't tivo re-runs of friends, although i have been known to indulge in some totally questionable tivo behavior)

so someone please PLEASE please come over and dump a huge cooler of ice-cold gatorade on me like i've just made the game-winning touchdown* and we're going to the state championship. thanks, i'd really appreciate it. i'll leave the door unlocked for you.

*hoisting me on your shoulders is totally optional.

so hot right now.

summer's here and the time is right for dancin' in the streets.

i don't have much to say today. i can't tell if i am enjoying life or fucking up. it's all new to me. probably a little of both. either way, i am going with it.

here's to great first dates. after 14 years of dating.

just. let. go.

things. i have so many things. i am tired of so many things. today my friend came over to help me and i tried to get rid of some of the things that have been building up around here. cd's i'll never listen to. magazines i have read. papers i'll never need again. my stupid portfolio from a short and lackluster career as a graphic designer 7 years ago. i feel lighter. also, my yard got a major trim today. making way for new growth adn letting the light shine in. it looks like the house got a brazilian bikini wax. if i look really closely, i think i can see it blushing.
but i digress...
things. who needs 'em? that is my theme for today. its the same for my body. all the stuff that happens to you, especially the trauma and sadness and doubt and frustration, can get inside your body and set up house and refuse to leave. i want to let it go. nowadays, i am letting it wash over me. come in, go out. don't get stuck. i don't need to carry all those things with me physically. i am learning that you can have access to things without carrying them on your back. be it books or memories or an old favorite song, i can get that stuff whenever i want, without having to touch it with my hands.

where are you?

i started my day at 7 am this morning, taking a walk with rufus at elysian park. the sunlight is so pretty at that time, and i had the place practically to myself. for how crowded this city seems, it always amazes me that i can go up there and feel almost alone. all that space and trees and dirt and solitude for free. so i ask you, l.a., where are you? i'm not saying you should join me, because that would sorta harsh my mellow, to be honest. i'm just sorta stumped. it's there for the taking. so where are all the takers? whatever it is, let's keep it that way. now i know i'm not the first to put the park on blast, so i'm not too worried, but if i suddenly see all you fuckers up there ruining my morning walk, i'm going to be a little bummed. and yeah that's me, listening to my ipod, pumping my fist in the air and shaking my ass as i walk behind my poodle, only caring a little bit that there might be someone behind me laughing.